Friday, December 23, 2011
The Harvest is unleashed in print!!!
Want the book that reviews are saying is the most dangerous book ever written?
Grab one up today!
For autographed versions send $40 to
The Goat Franchise
C/O Jake Bannerman
718 SW 51st
Takes 6-8 weeks to deliver.
Remember Pitchfork Diaries Vol.2 is coming out St. Patrick's Day 2012
Make sure and leave your messages on The Goat Franchise Hotline
Six Six Sex,
Posted by Jake Bannerman at 12:48 PM
Monday, December 12, 2011
Middle Finger Salute
By Jake Bannerman
Today I would like to address the ever ongoing subject of people claiming or complaining or whimpering or dropping on their knees praying to Jesus about my writing being to graphic or to violent.
Well since you asked I have a few different views on the subject. Number one, I did not ask you to pick up my book and read it without there being a description or the availability of reviews for you to read and research in advance AND if the term EXTREME HORROR did not tip you off obviously it surprises me none that you would be one to bitch. YOU are the reason America sucks YOU are the old lady who spilled coffee in her lap and sued McDonald's, YOU are the teenager not wearing a condom and inviting yourself to my tax money to pay for the baby you have no right to have. The info is obvious coffee is hot unprotected sex causes pregnancy and if you did not know those things YOU HAVE NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION!
Number two even sometimes we can take reviews or descriptions non seriously and you know why?
Because people will say what they need to say to sell their product. Its an age old game snake oil cures the sick, regrows hair,eases arthritis you know whatever it needed to do at the right time and place for the con artist to make money and yes yes it is true MALES are the worst about it because we have no problem telling you we can and will satisfy you just to have the opportunity......... oh hell I was not supposed to say that it is in the secret man guide.
Number three, OK this is where Jake gets controversial guess what violence and graphic sex murder rape blood splatter necrophilia chainsawed abortions being fed to nuns decapitating the pope and flying planes into buildings and killing thousands is are you ready.......... IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT!!!!! Check the numbers on movies, People do not stray away from violence or sex or murder have you seen the NEWS lately? Ever heard of NASCAR? How many times do you think people actually watch a race to see cars drive in circles???? NONE NONE AND NONE we watch for the wrecks, Oh no you say NOT ME really? So porn is larger than Hollywood in terms of income because NOBODY is interested in sex? How fucking silly do you think I am?
So what do I say when people say I am graphic violent and sexual, I say yes I am! I am a human being created by a God who programmed me with lust,sin,anger and the desire to be interested in every damn one of them! Its called the Pleasures of the FLESH and I indulge in every one of them every fucking chance I get the chance. Just remember that the bible says THE WAGES OF SIN ARE DEATH wait death and sin? HOW VIOLENT.........
Posted by Jake Bannerman at 7:29 PM
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This time I am going to go over something I struggle with on a daily basis and that is acceptance and my top ten reasons why I should strive to gain your acceptance and then I will rebuttal my own top ten with another top ten reasons why I should not.
- I want you to buy my book!
- I want your friends and family to buy my book
- I want your girlfriend to buy my book
- I want your girlfriends family and friends to buy my book
- Start at number 1 and repeat
There is no question about it I want book sales I want to bathe in money and drive my Mercedes into an ice cream truck just to see the artwork it would create,I want to surround myself with porn stars who live to have my dick slapped on their face when I bust a nut. I want monogrammed toilet paper, I want to lite my cigarettes with hundred dollar bills and by the way I want to fuck your girlfriend and her mother and her sisters while you video tape it. Now let me give you my top ten reasons why I am not completely worried about your acceptance!
- I do not give a fuck if you buy my book!
- I don’t give a fuck if your friends and family buy my book
- I do not care if your slut girlfriend buys my book!
- And as far as her family and friends go,unless They are fucking me I could care less
- Start at number one and repeat.
So its like this I want you to buy my book because it is a quality product and its well worth your time and honestly want you to become interested in my work and continue to read my work because I enjoy doing it and enjoy the fact that you read it.
At the same time if it means I think ant less of my self because you do not buy my book or you talk bad about my book ( join the fucking club) you would be dead wrong..
Now I am surrounded by professionals who tell me what and what not to say and this is the kind of thing that will get their blood boiling and I will face the repercussions I am sure it will be a routine ass chewing from my partners.
But guess what I will continue to wave my flag around with my my middle finger up and spitting venom and vigor and swagger and pissing on the book world and see what people seem to miss about a guy like me is this, If I am on your side I will do all of these things for YOU because without YOU I am nothing but one voice, With YOU we are an army!!!
My point is do not hate the shotgun because it is dangerous BUY the shotgun because it is dangerous!
You have a chance to join me in flipping off the world and liking it or you can go buy the next faggot vampire book and continue to act like you are a horror fan.
Posted by Jake Bannerman at 7:27 PM