Friday, September 30, 2011

Guest blogger - Colin Barnes

Colin F. Barnes is a writer from the UK who writes Science Fiction, Horror and Thriller fiction. He likes to take the gritty edginess from his surroundings and personal experiences and translate them into his stories. He is currently working on an anthology of horror stories in his 'City of Hell Chronicles' setting after recently debuting with a crime anthology titled 'Killing my Boss'.


Essence of Extremity

Dark fiction is a wide umbrella covering a gamut of flavours of sub genres. I tend to write and read what I call Horror. It's at the extreme end of Horror. Somehow, over the course of the last decade, 'Horror' has been devalued to cover paranormal romance and angsty YA urban fantasy. One only needs to look at the Amazon charts under Horror to see this diabolical hijacking of the label. What his means is that readers are slowly but surely loosing the true essence of extremity within the horror bounds.

I'm talking about Ketchum, Barker, early King, Laymon et al. I'm talking about I Spit On Your Grave, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (original), Hellraiser etc.. You know, when Horror meant horrific experiences. When horror had scares that actually scared you.

I remember watching the original Friday the 13th as a kid and having nightmares for weeks after; that was pure horror (of its time). Not this weak romantic rubbish. I mean, come on, what the hell is 'horror' about a woman having a romantic triangle with an effeminate vampire and a pruning wolf? It makes me sick to see Horror be reduced to this.

One of the first dark fiction books I read as a youngster was King’s IT – so yeah, I now fucking hate clowns too. King has single handedly ruined children’s parties (for the adults). Excellent work Steve!

We need more of this subversive fiction. We need to twist common tropes into things that scare the living crap out of people. Without fear, humanity gets lazy. Life becomes predictable, stale, and safe. Who wants that? Not me. I want excitement. I want to double check that thing I thought I saw in the shadows, I want to feel the frisson of energy as I hear footsteps late at night in the attic. What I don’t want is this bland formula of ‘horror.’ And neither should you.

So, what can we, as creatives, do about it? Promote, write, share, push, and abuse networks. Get our work out there; force people to dwell in the shadows again, scare the crap out of them. It means we as authors and creators need to dig that little bit deeper; find what scares the jaded/cynical people of today and hold a mirror up to their fears and go beyond what it is considered acceptable. It's only when doing that can we actually reclaim the title of Horror.

This is where the essence of extremity comes in. I’m not advocating stories to be extreme for extreme’s sake. That’s too lazy, and it’ll show. Hell, it already shows in things such as SAW. Torture porn with no real intent behind it. We need to take the extreme areas of life and our imagination and tie them into everyday reason. That is how we can reconnect ‘Horror’ with the masses.
Most people are disgusted or even bored at extreme gore, so we need to be cleverer about it. We need to be more subtle, and insidious with out extreme stories.

Once you’ve roped in a reader and given them a false sense of security with a solid grounding of reality and rationale, then you bring your out the big guns. You give them terrifying situations with things that can barely be described with regular words. You show them something so horrendous that it’s impossible to fit it wholesale into your stories. You want to leave some of ‘it’ hanging outside of the story so that it sits inside your readers mind, clawing its way out for weeks on end.

If you’re going to have gore or extreme sex (which are both good things in proper Horror) you have to do it so it counts. Everyday people can see the most horrendous things as easily as searching on Google. They are desensitized to the images and videos and concepts. We need to make it personal. And there is only one way to do that -- no, not abduct them and taken them into your basement dungeon – but good, deep characterization.

Weak protagonists are just that. No one cares about some insipid teenager, or some moaning kid. You want fully realized three-dimensional characters that are made up of shades of grey. No one likes wholly good or wholly bad characters; they have to be a mix. They have to be like you and I (perhaps not like me, readers really wouldn’t be able to relate to me). They have to be the everyman/everywoman.

Take that character, get inside their head, and then bring on the horror. That is the essence of extremity – personal experiences shared by the author with the reader. Connect! When you think you’ve gone as far as you can, slug a shot of whiskey, pull your pants up and go beyond. You know you can do it. We have to do it for Horror’s sake.

##

A brilliantly argued guest post, I'm sure you'll agree!
You can find Colin online at Twitter, his personal website and Amazon.



Kate x

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Pitchfork 2?

Some titles I'm working on for Pitchfork 2
The amnesia chronicle
The birth splinter
Room full of hangers
Scrapping under the fingernails of nightmares
Chanel No.5 and burning feathers
The symphony of grenades
The prosecution of the minute hand
Pitch pink monolith 
Burnt leaves and forsaken ashes
Extreme serenity of fire
Drowning in a glass of matches
Extracting the teeth of deities 
Ok it does not come out for six months but I wanted to give you a sneak peak!
Blessed are the sick,
J

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Not for sympathy! Just an explanation. I will kick cancers ass!

An explanation: 14 years ago I was told I have a rare form of leukemia a slow degenerate form of blood cancer that effects my joints (psoriatic arthritis ) as well as caused blockage in my veins due to the effects on my livers ability to properly filter.
At the time they said I may not make it to 40. This is something I have kept quiet about for a long time.
I am not going to die anytime soon,
However due to the progression of the disease I am going to start chemo.
My writing will not be effected many do not know this but in 8 months I wrote The Harvest,The Pitchfork Diaries and over 30,000 words of Return to Sender and have half of Pitchfork 2 finished AND the beginning of K13 which will come out Halloween 2012. I also have 9 more books in the works! I am not going to let me stop me I promise you. Each time a book sells a % goes to cancer research,
Thanks to everyone who has written in my support and thank all of you who are a part of The Family of Dog/The Goat Franchise!
Blessed are the Sick,
J

Friday, September 23, 2011

Guest blogger - Charles W Jones

This week's guest post comes from Charles W Jones (@ChuckWesJ). Charles is the author of The Second Plain and An Unnamed Acquaintance.  The Second Plain is his first published work.  It is about a man, Saul, who can control dreams; both his and that of other people.  During the story, Saul has to discover that he is actually in charge and not the Man who is wreaking havoc on people’s dreams, turning them into nightmares.  


This book took Charles around six years to write; not because of writers block, but because life jumped in the way.  His second book, An Unnamed Acquaintance, is a collection of strange short stories and poetry.  After reading Jake’s Pitchfork Diaries, Charles decided that it was time to put his short stories and poetry together.  Charles wrote these stories and poems several years ago and updated them from their original borderline vanilla state.  Learn more about Charles at his blog, bizzarofiction.blogspot.com or by following him on Twitter @ChuckWesJ.





I’ve been writing odd little stories since I was a kid.  Most are lost and forgotten somewhere in the dust motes of the past.  I draw, too, and attempt to dabble with Photoshop, but that program is a little bit much for me.  I grew up in a small town called Shoshoni, WY and I managed to break free from its grasp with my dark soul intact.  Growing up in a small town scared me to death most of the time.  It’s very dark at night - I mean really dark.  I think Shoshoni had like ten streetlights.  To top it off, it is full of ghosts; well, that’s what I thought when I was kid. Turns out it was just the constant wind blowing dirt around.

I was the only one that knew about The Second Plain during the writing process.  I guess the reason is because…I have no idea; maybe I just didn’t want anyone to know until I was finished.  (I’m trying to be more forthcoming about my current work in progress, Circus Tarot.)  During the process of writing The Second Plain, my partner’s father’s cancer returned with a vengeance and I couldn’t concentrate on much of anything.  Then earlier this year I decided it was time to finish.  That actually was very easy; everything was still fresh in my mind.  The problem came with the editing, I used a source that was recommended to me on the internet (I will not mention any names), and published it on Smashwords.  Then a friend of mine starts telling me that words are missing.  FUCK, are you kidding me?  Probably the most embarrassing moment in my life. 

I told my partner about writing The Second Plain as I was posting the information on Facebook.  Yes, I admit I have communication issues and I’m a bit reclusive (until you get to know me) but that’s part of my charm.  Everyone else is as shocked that I wrote a book as he was.  When they ask what it’s about, I’m vague at first, forcing them to ask more questions.  When I say, “It’s a horror novel” why do people feel compelled to ask, “Is it scary?”  Didn’t I just say it’s a horror novel?  Then I explain a little bit more.  

People look at me strangely too, when I say “horror”; one even said “you look so normal.”  I write fiction, lady, I don’t write about things I do on my free time, as fun as that would be sometimes.  The thing that worries me the most about The Second Plain is that people won’t be able to get past the fact that Saul, the main character, is gay; even though that has maybe 5% influence on the story.  The Second Plain is not gay erotica; those books are really creepy though.  It is not packed full of man-on-man action; I have to admit there are two scenes but one is vague, and in the other the man catches on fire. 

There isn’t a part of the horror genre I don’t like.  I like it creepy, filled with suspense or brutal with descriptive torture scenes.  My favorite horror movies have always been the slasher movies; give me the gore.  Lately, there hasn’t been anything that has made me even giggle once.  I find most horror movies funny; aren’t they supposed to be?  I actually wrote The Second Plain because I was bored with what was out there in the horror genre at my local independent bookstore (literally a bookshelf 8” wide with four shelves and not even full).  I decided that if Clive or Stephen can do it, then I could too.

I’m currently working on Circus Tarot.  It’s a fun little tale about a husband and wife with a weird Donna Reed feel.  The wife works part-time at a consignment shop and the husband is a junior partner at some office.  Wifey buys some tarot cards from an old woman at the shop and ends up in the dark world of Circus Tarot.  There are some excerpts on my blog.

Thanks Jake, Kate and everyone else at Family of Dog for the opportunity to guest blog. 





The Second Plain is as available in eBook format at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Smashwords and other eBook retailers; it is also available in paperback at Amazon and Createspace.  An Unnamed Acquaintance is available at Smashwords and other eBook retailers coming soon. 

Kate x

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Blood autograph!

For Halloween I will be signing 50 copies of Pitchfork with my own blood!
You want a limited edition blood copy?!
This is for the diehard!
Each hand numbered copy will sell for $40
And I am taking pre orders now!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

BY POPULAR DEMAND REPOST!!!! IN THE MOUTH OF BUTTERFLIES!!!

In the Mouth of Butterflies

As I grew up on the belief that the West is THE Great Satan the devil, and I do not understand this because Satan is not large in any way shape or form. For this reason I decided to learn to fly in the largest act ofJihad, never! I am going to tell you the secret to why we are very excited about our sweet smell of THEMISSION fresh vaginal skin tight that the blood dripping taps cling Yes, we have the motivation to receivevirgins at death is the cause of jihad. The definition of jihad "internal struggle" the desire to FUCKAmerican women the Great Satan produces the best Pussy It is well known in our land. Porn Stars women who will fuck in multiple number of all desire UNCONTROLLABLE OUR DESIRES. FUCKING sexual andabsorb the juice and taste of women and girls Blonde YOUNG our desires will be met. Can not be a manof any race to deny this desire! Even in your Bible Christian Adam surrendered Luxury nights in the fall ofthe entire cause but you still look at me with hate in your eyes, and that is fine because I fucking women inevery hole and the skin on the CUM RED LIPSTICK sets a new personal whores. Dying in a plane thatwas worth PEOPLE THREE THOUSAND, who died because now I get my head FUCK AND THE reduces the jihad with  each load of cum from my cock

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Pitchfork Diaries Vol . 1 just .99 FOR THE FIRST 1000 COPIES

The demand for the Pitchfork Diaries has been insane and the reviews are off the charts!
So just to spread it out a little further and make it easier to get your paws on this bad boy!
We are going to sell it all week long for .99 cents on smashwords!
That is crazy cheap! And after this week it goes back to $2.50 so if you have not snagged one now is the time!!!!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Killer Aphrodite

Hey guys and girls,

Exciting news to share today - Jake is going to be writing a weekly column over at the supremely awesome Killer Aphrodite! To celebrate, they're running a giveaway for the Pitchfork Diaries, so swing by, say hi and show them some dirty love in the way that we know only you can...

Kate x

Friday, September 16, 2011



Awesome! The best interview I have ever received thanks to Silver and the GF family!
Suzanne and jeep!
FOD supports Get Fanged 100%!!!!

Guest blogger - Darkside Films


So, today I'm delighted to be able to share with you all an interview with DW Kann @ Darkside Films. As you know, here at the Family of Dog and the Goat Franchise we're avid supporters of all things horror, and I jumped at the chance to have a chat with DW about their new project, 'Sever'. They might be filmmakers, but there's a lot here for film buffs and authors alike - if you like horror, then you'll love reading what they have to say.

Pull up a seat and have a read. Let us know what you think, let them know what you think, share the link around and don't forget to swing by www.severthemovie.com when you're done. Kate x


1. So, tell us where this all began! Was it a midnight flash of
inspiration, or has this project been something you’ve dreamed of
doing for a long time?

SEVER is a project that has had a long journey before it was ever committed to paper.  I kept a log from as far back as the early 1990's of circumstances that I had experienced or stories I heard.  Then several years ago I began researching heavily into serial killers, part of this was from a particular experience I had encountered back in college.  A friend and I used to "hedge" or go "urban spelunking" in abandoned buildings. We had seen a lot of strange things and had even ventured at night in these places.  One night we were about to go in and I decided not to go, something in my gut told me it was a bad idea.  After some back and forth arguing with my friend who called me a "pussy" we decided to go and get a pint instead.  The next morning on the local news I saw the building we were at the night before and they were removing a body of a serial killer who had slit his own throat.  He had been linked to a couple of be-headings in the area, the news dubbed him the Vampire-Nazi.  Needless to say it was a year before we stepped foot back in that place.  They say write what you know, I believe life experience is the best way to lend itself in screenplay form.   

2. What makes ‘Sever’ different from all the other horror films out there?

SEVER I wanted to take a step further and create an online world prior to the film.  Not just a trailer, but a character, someone who hides in plane site in every day life.  I wanted this film to be interactive, whether you read or listen to the information about Patrick online before or after you've seen the film.  You can discover all this back story on your own, in researching about him.  This would give you far more depth to a character than just tuning in for an hour and a half.  He's more complicated than that.  I've never seen a film approached this way and this was something I've been wanting to do long before social media took over the internet.  We connect with movie stars this way, with friends, with prisoners even dating.  Why not create an iconic horror character this way and who we can follow.

3. Where do you draw your inspiration from?

Really from everything.  I know that may sound trite.  But I spend a lot of time outdoors and being very active.  I also enjoy researching immensely as well as my photography and artwork.  These all gestate in my mind swirling around and then something clicks.  It may be an image that spawns a story or a line that someone told me.  I'm also a huge observer of people which also lends itself to wonderful stories to tell as you can imagine.

4. Has there ever been a moment when you’ve doubted whether this
project would succeed? And if so, how did you beat the doubts?

I've been battling to get this film made for almost six years through various means.  I've never believed in a project as much as this.  If it fails it's because I gave up and that won't happen.  I've given the screenplay to at least twenty people or more who've read it to get their response which has been amazing.  They see it's potential and that's what really keeps me going, their enthusiasm to want to see a finished product.  Their thoughts on how the story ends and who Patrick is and what he means are all different, that is something very special me and the fact that I was able to capture it in this way always puts a smile on my face.

5. More and more authors are making the jump into self-publishing, but are often met with disdain. Have you encountered this at all as a
result of your unconventional approach to funding your film project?

It's a constant battle to get your project made, whether it be a book, film or album.  Especially now with the advent of consumer grade cameras.  Everyone thinks they're a filmmaker who owns a computer and a camera and that's just not true.  Not everyone can accomplish this, but society dictates otherwise.  And with the market flooded with so much mediocrity you have to really stand out.  I believe if your work truly has longevity, someone will find you and take that chance.

6. How can our readers support you – and why should they?

I only have a few days left on my kickstarter page.  I will be re-launching it again via a different crowd funding site in a month or so.  I am currently putting together another promo trailer which I will also launch at the time.  If your readers like what they see either there or on the films website www.severthemovie.com they can support us by contributing, even if it's just a $1.  As I mentioned above, the people that have read the script and the comments of new fans who have been reading Patrick's blog on the site and listening to his interview want more, they like what they're discovering.  I think your readers will too.

7. Fan-backed projects have really taken off of late, both in music
and in film. Do you think that the industry needs to seriously
consider your approach as the way forward?

Yes, I think this is truly the wave of the future.  It may take some time to stick, but Hollywood has already been searching through talent on YouTube for instance, so why not crowd funding.  The great thing is that fans, true fans can put their money to something they believe in and watch it come alive and be apart of it.  

8. You’re going to be filming in Martha’s Vineyard at the end of this
year. Is that where you always imagined you would film when the
project was conceived?

Yes, the other part of my story of how SEVER came to be was told to me by my father over 20 years ago about a man arriving here on the island via a small boat.  He lived in a winter house that had been closed for the season by the ocean.  Sneaking around the island, making money, doing what he needed too to survive and then one day he vanished.  I know this because I saw what he left behind.  This place has a lot to offer and delivers the isolation I am looking for.  Especially in the winter months.

9. Who do you think ‘Sever’ is going to appeal to?

Oh man, that's a good question.  I would hope it would transcend beyond the horror fans.  There are some gruesome moments, but it's really a psychological thriller.  Growing up watching Polanski, Lynch, Cronenberg to name a few as a kid really stuck with me.  One of the biggest compliments I receive from everyone that has read the screenplay is that they have a love hate relationship with Patrick.  I enjoy that very much because it is those characters you never forget in films.  

10. In media, some people see what they do as a job, and others do it
simply because they have an overwhelming love for it. Which side of
the fence do you come down upon – is Darkside Films a profession or a passion?

It depends on the project I'm working on.  I am hired out from time to time to get films back on track whether it be by re-editing projects or producing them to completion where someone else wasn't able to finish the task.  My personal projects like SEVER are passionate endeavors though if there was a job in it, it's raising the financing which I cannot stand.  It pains me greatly to have to peddle my work prior to getting it made, ask anyone who knows me.  I would much rather be the craftsman than the executive producer.

11. What does the future hold for Darkside Films?

We have several projects that we're developing that range from commercial films to animated features to boutique projects.  We're looking for the right person who is fiscally responsible and has a financial background to help us get even further out there.  We've never been more ready to explode on the scene with the material we have. 

12. And finally, tell us what it is about horror that inspires you.
Why have you gravitated towards this genre in particular?

I don't know honestly.  In high school we made Monty Python style puking videos in the 80's.  Then I got into make-up FX and went to the Art Institute of Pittsburgh because it was where Zombies came from.  

I like being scared and I've been truly scared several times in my life, it's an adrenaline rush that I crave.  But on the same token, what I see in every day life disturbs me and with a sick fascination I want to know more.  Why do people do what they do?  Why do men kill each other?  What is there reasoning behind this?  This is what truly frightens me, because most of the time they don't have an answer for you.  They just do it.


Huge thanks to DW for taking the time to answer my questions - he's certainly piqued my interest, and I can't wait to see what 'Sever' evolves into!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

More reviews streaming in for the Pitchfork Diaries...

Scott Shoyer on Anything Horror recently reviewed the Pitchfork Diaries.

Thanks, Scott, for the fantastic review - go and have a read of what he said, and if you've read the Diaries we'd love to hear your thoughts.

http://anythinghorror.com/2011/09/15/the-pitchfork-diaries-volume-one-2011/

Kate x

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

http:// FearDex.com feardex.com/books/interview-with-author-jake-bannerman/ www.smashwords.com/profile/view/jakebannermanhttp://darkmediacity.wordpress.com/2011/08/15/proust-confessions-with-author-jake-bannerman/http://www.facebook.com/J.S.Bannerman.http://www.fairiesvampires.com/profiles/blogs/jake-bannerman-extreme-horror-authorhttp://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5172645.Jake_Bannermanhttp://www.smashwords.com/books/view/85736. http://evilepisodes.com/2011/07/05/family-of-dog-the-harvest-chapter-1-now-available-online-to-read/http://horrorsmorgasbord.blogspot.com/2011/09/js-bannermans-pitchfork-diaries-vol1.html.http://mortalgore.com/content/pitchfork-diaries-volume-one-out-now

Monday, September 12, 2011

Smashwords link

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/85736
Link to smashwords!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

THE GOAT FRANCHISE EXPLANATION

IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT I HAVE NOT BEEN CLEAR ENOUGH IN MY CREATION OF THE GOAT FRANCHISE.

THE GOAT FRANCHISE IS COMPOSED OF 5 PEOPLE WHO ARE WILLING TO TURN THE FACE OF THE PUBLISHING WORLD ON FIRE. ALYS, MY PUBLICIST, HANDLES ALL INTERVIEWS FOR ZINES,RADIO AND NORTH AMERICAN NEWSPAPERS AND IS INTEGRAL IN THE ART AND LOGOS OF THE GOAT FRANCHISE YOU CAN CONTACT HER AT ALYSBONDE@GMAIL.COM. ALYS IS MOONLIGHTING; SHE HAS QUITE THE FOLLOWING AND IS AN AMAZING AUTHOR, AND SHE KEEPS ME GROUNDED.

KATE IS MY EDITOR SUPREME. SHE OVERSEES ALL EDITING, AND IS A BRILLIANT WRITER IN HER OWN RIGHT. SHE HANDLES PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING I THROW AT HER AND SHE DOES IT NO QUESTIONS ASKED. YOU HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT THE GOAT FRANCHISE, THEN SHE KNOWS THE ANSWER! CONTACT HER AT KATESMONROE@GMAIL.COM

BAILEY IS THE SECOND HALF OF MY BRAIN SHE TAKES MY WRITING AND AS A GHOST WRITER POLISHES AND ADDS BEAUTY TO MY HORRIFIC VISIONS AND IS INVALUABLE TO ME AND HAS BEEN A FRIEND OF MINE FOR OVER TEN YEARS AND SHE KNOWS THINGS ABOUT ME AND MY WRITING NOBODY KNOWS! CONTACT HER AT
BAILEYELDRITCH@GMAIL.COM

THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE TEAM IS SCARLET BURK, OUR SOCIAL MEDIA CO-ORDINATOR. SCARLET IS IN CHARGE OF HANDLING EVERYTHING RELATING TO FACEBOOK, TWITTER OR ANY FORUMS - IF YOU HAVE A QUERY RELATED TO THAT, THEN SHE'S THE ONE TO CONTACT AT SCARLETBURK@GMAIL.COM

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT THE GOAT FRANCHISE IS THAT WE ALL BELIEVE WE HAVE SOMETHING ON OUR HANDS THAT IS RIVETING AND TERRIFYING. WE ARE ALL DOING THIS ON FAITH THAT WE HAVE AN AMAZING PRODUCT TO SHARE. NOT A SINGLE ONE OF US HAVE MADE A SINGLE PENNY AND WE PUSH ONWARD! WE WILL BE LOOKING FOR NEW AUTHORS WHO PUSH THE EDGES OF WORDS TO ADD TO OUR PUBLISHING ROSTER!

JOIN THE LEGION!
J

NOW AVAILABLE ON AMAZON,KINDLE,SMASHWORDS!!

THE PITCHFORK DIARIES ARE NOW AVAILABLE WELL....... WORLDWIDE IN PRINT AND IN EBOOK KINDLE IPHONE IPAD FASHION!

SEARCH JAKE BANNERMAN OR PITCHFORK DIARIES AT ANY OF THE SITES!
LINKS COMING SOON!!

9/11 through the eyes of the terrorist ( warning very disturbing!)

This is the unreported extra story in the smashwords edition of Pitchfork not available in the amazon version.
Keep in mind I grew up in new jersey and the events of 9/11 hit home hard but I have always tried to put myself in others shoes to understand.
This will anger many my publishers freaked out when they read it.
This is not meant to cause pain but rather to look at the events through the eyes of the man flying the plane... 
Enjoy
In The Mouth of Butterflies

 

كما تربيت على الاعتقاد بأن الغرب THE كان الشيطان الشيطان الأكبر، وأنا لا يفهم هذا لأن الشيطان ليست كبيرة في أي شكل طريقة أو شكل. ولهذا السبب قررت أن تتعلم الطيران في أكبر عمل من أعمال الجهاد أبدا! وانا ذاهب لاقول لكم سر لماذا نحن متحمسون جدا حول الشم لدينا الحلو MISSION من THE طازج المهبل الجلدية الضيق الذي يقطر الدم تتشبث حنفيات نعم لدينا الدافع ليتلقى العذارى عند الموت هو السبب وراء الجهاد. للتعريف الجهاد "النضال الداخلي" الرغبة في FUCK النساء الأميركيات الشيطان الأكبر تنتج أفضل الهرة ومن المعلوم في أرضنا. نجوم بورنو المرأة التي سوف اللعنه في أرقام متعددة الرغبة UNCONTROLLABLE لجميع دوراتنا DESIRES. FUCKING الجنسي وامتصاص وتذوق عصير المرأة الشقراء والفتيات YOUNG سوف تلبى رغباتنا. لا يمكن لرجل من أي عرق إنكار هذه الرغبة! حتى وإن في كتابكم المقدس المسيحي آدم استسلمت لكس الليالي تسبب في سقوط قاطبة كنكم لا تزال تبدو لي مع باكره في عينيك، وأنه على ما يرام لأني سخيف المرأة في كل حفرة والجلد CUM المعنية RED LIPSTICK مجموعتي جديد القحبة الشخصية. يحتضر في تلك الطائرة كانت تستحق PEOPLE THREE THOUSAND الذي توفي لأن الآن أحصل على رأسي FUCK AND THE يقلل الجهاد مع تحميل كل من نائب الرئيس لزجة. نعم أقول لكم : 9 / 11 هو ذنب النساء وما ننشده بين أرجلهم. جحيم ليس له غضب الجهاد رجل

Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Family welcomes its first guest blogger...

I'm delighted to introduce the first in a series of guest bloggers that will be gracing the pages of the Family of Dog blog over the coming months - Mike Kozlowski. If you're interested in having your work featured here, then email me; be warned, though, it takes something special to meet with our approval. Saying that, of course, neither Jake or I are averse to a bit of good, old-fashioned bribery or flattery... Kate x



Michael A. Kozlowski is the author of Some Days Suck, Some Days Suck worse, a collection of horror and suspense stories. He has been published in various magazines, has a novella in print titled Above the Clouds, and has authored a travel memoir about moving to, living and working in Australia.
He lives in a reasonably quiet suburb of an unreasonably loud city in Michigan, USA, with his wife and two boys. They keep him around for entertainment purposes only. He is banned form telling the children bedtime stories.
You can find out more about his writing, works in progress and general activity at his website, www.mikekozlowski.com, on his blog, www.blog.mikekozlowski.com, or by following him on Twitter.


"Hank, I’m a horror writer.


That’s the answer I like to give when people ask me what I do. I enjoy the way their faces take on that dull, glazed over expression while they try to sort out if that means I’m only moments away from pulling out a machete and lopping off one of their arms. You know, just for fun.


Sometimes I build up to it a little by just saying I’m a writer and letting them get around to the specifics. Rarely, these days, do I start off with telling them what my day job is (the one that actually pays most of the bills). I’m not ashamed of my day job, it’s a good one that pays pretty well, but I have come to define myself as a writer; a struggling author, perhaps, that happens to have to take on other work to make ends meet for the time being (like all those actors in Hollywood that are serving dinners and wine to the people they wish they were).


After the initial shock wears off, people tend to say something along the lines of, “Oh! Like Stephen King?” Well, yes and no. I write stories that might make you think of King or Peter Straub or Richard Matheson or a hundred other “horror” writers but I don’t write Stephen King stories (he does that well enough on his own). Frankly, King’s stories don’t often scare me, or even disturb me. Nor do any other horror stories. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy them, I’m just a hard scare. I try to write about the things that give me the chills or that, at least, make me pause. If I can do that then I’m reasonably certain that they will give little, creepy feelings to my readers.


Now most of the things that scare me are pretty mundane and wouldn’t necessarily be horror story fodder. Things like impotency, family tragedy, random drug testing and flaming midgets (it’s a well documented fact that I love both midgets, with whom everything is more fun or funnier, and flames, with which everything is cooler, but that they terrify me in combination). My stories, by and large, tend to focus on the dark parts of the human condition. Sure, I write the occasionally monster yarn but there is usually, at the heart of it, some mental issue going on. I like when you read a horror story and say, “You know, that could happen” because that makes shit really scary.

I also tend to stay away from happy endings. In fact, I have a whole collection of stories that end badly. Well, I guess that depends on the perspective, but you know what I mean. It’s not that I’m a dark, angst ridden person. In fact, I am quite the opposite. I nearly always look on the bright side of things, am generally upbeat and tend to be pretty humorous, if reports from friends and family can be trusted (and they probably can’t be, ‘cause those fuckers lie a lot). I also tend to write a lot of parenthetical statements because I have a hard time staying focused and that practice lets me spout off about whatever I want to, whenever I want to (but that has nothing to do with this post other than to amuse me).


Most stories, horror or otherwise, tend to have a happy ending or, at a minimum, a satisfying resolution that lets the reader close the book and go to sleep knowing that the day has been saved, humanity has prevailed, the monsters have been vanquished, the boy got the girl, the bad guy was served a healthy dose of justice, etc., etc. Not all of them, to be sure, but most of them. You can usually find a hero. I can’t tell you exactly why my stories don’t typically end up that way but they don’t. In fact, I’ve been told by a few trusted readers that I seem incapable of a happy ending, though they mysteriously keep expecting one (I’ve also been told that there is something very, very wrong with me, that I’m probably insane and that they’d rather not have me around their kids anymore).


Maybe my stories end in gruesome and horrifying ways because the effort of keeping a sunny disposition all the rest of the time pushes all those dark bits down and they need a way to get out;  a way that doesn’t involve high powered rifles and clock towers. Maybe I just like being a bit different (“different” is one of those words people like to use when describing me anyway as in, “He’s a really great guy though he is a bit…different.” That pause speaks volumes). It could be that it’s just so much damn fun writing bad guys and evil things that I get attached to them and end up rooting for them to win (Note: I realize this is going on a blog that originates in England and, as a person that has spent some time in Australia (yes, I know that’s not in England) I feel it may be necessary to point out that “rooting” in this sense does not mean “fucking.” It means pulling for or putting one’s support behind (and I suppose that last one could mean “fucking” too. God, you’re a bunch of sick bastards)).


How’d you like that? Parenthesis inside of parenthesis…twice! Fuck yeah! I’m on a role! And a tangent, I notice. Should this bit be in parenthesis, as well? Shit, I’m confusing myself. Oh well, onwards and upwards.

After people realize that I’m not likely to kill them on the sidelines of my son’s football game (that’s American football, folks, not soccer), they usually go in one of two directions; neither of them, in this case, being running away from me. They will either comment that they are going to go find some of my work to read it (which, I’ve discovered, is usually true about 1/10th of a percent of the time) or they say that they just don’t have the stomach for horror.


I always find that last statement so confusing. Fear is such a primal instinct. One we have used for survival and safety since the dawn of man. It paid off not to go poking the sleeping Saber tooth Tiger. But fear can also be so damn much fun. It gets the heart racing and the blood pumping. It gets you all sweaty and worked up. And when it’s over there is a nice, exhausted, relieved feeling and a sense of accomplishment. Now that I think about it, Fear is a whole lot like Sex (but not as messy and, if you’re doing the latter correctly, probably not as fun).


I can only assume these people haven’t read a scary book or watched a horror movie since they were six. I can only surmise that they never watch the news, because that’s a whole lot scarier than anything I can come up with. I guess they spend their time reading Newsweek or romance novels and the closest they’ve been to horror involves sparkly vampires (don’t get me started). Most likely, they don’t read much of anything at all and spend their free time watching The Biggest Loser (while sitting on the couch eating fatty snacks) or American Idol or something.

I feel sad for them. I can’t imagine not having read Carrie or ‘Salem’s Lot, I Am Legend, Horns or 20th Century Ghosts, Dracula, The Haunting of Hill House, Ghost Story, Something Wicked This Way Comes and countless others. How do you get through life not having seen the Friday the 13th series or Halloween, The Thing, Dawn of the Dead, Amityville Horror, The Exorcist and on and on?


I’m not saying horror is the end all be all, I like other genres just as well, but it should be included in any well-rounded individual’s library or DVD collection. It’s a bit like depriving yourself of new foods and living on a diet of bread and water. Sure, you might survive, but what a waste (unless you’re talking about mushrooms; nobody should ever, for any reason, eat a fucking mushroom).


So what does all this mean? What is the point I’m trying to make here?


Fuck if I know. I’m just ranting. Kate was kind enough to let me play in her sandbox and I’m gonna make a good, God damned mess of it because I can. Maybe you get a glimpse into the mind of a horror writer. Maybe you decide to go read a “scary” book or watch a horror movie even though you haven’t in a long while. Maybe you get a giggle or two or you start adding random parenthetical statements to your emails and letter correspondences. I don’t care. I was able to vent and it was fun. Just be glad I didn’t really go off and start on about those sparkly vampires or what I ate for breakfast and how it affected my bowel movements or what color underwear I’m wearing today (or IF I’m wearing underwear today). Don’t push me. I’ll fuckin’ do it! Be glad I held it together for this long. I am a bit…different, after all."



Mike's anthology is available through AmazonBarnes & Noble & Smashwords. If you want a collection of tales that will in turn chill your bones, curl your toes and make you laugh out loud, then this is the one for you. I gave it 5* on Goodreads - and trust me, I'm notoriously hard to please!



Tuesday, September 6, 2011

REVIEW OF PITCHFORK

Review by: Julianne Snow on Sep. 05, 2011 : star star star star star
I loved and hated The Pitchfork Diaries. I loved it because it's well written, covered such a wide range of subject matter and it left me thinking about things so profoundly once I was finished reading. I hated it because it made me question some long held beliefs. The book is brutal at times but brutally honest. J.S. Bannerman doesn't back down and his way of looking at things can only be described as unique. It’s refreshing to find a multifaceted storyteller that can tie together a multitude of different genres. He leaves no stone unturned and attacks any subject that his mind lays purchase to
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